Connecting with Inner Child
Today I was looking at a plant my mom has had since I was a little girl, honestly I do not know the name, and neither does she. They are big, long long stems with great big green leaves. maybe each leaf could resemble a giant hand. When I was little though, my mom had three of them, now two have passed on, and the one with the dusty-rose colored pot remains. I used to take my happy meal toys from McDonalds (more specifically the Neopet ones) and pretend we were in a jungle all together. We were all alone together between the big leaves. I had a comfort knowing however my mother was in the room next door, cooking or watching Oprah.
I remember the first time I noticed my mother dropping me off at my dance class. I thought she was always watching me, then I realized…. this human does not always watch me. Her lack of presence then sent me into a big big spiral. Crying to my dance teacher, looking at the glass window where the parents were all watching, seeing my mom not there terrified me. I thought she was always suppose to be right there. I didn’t understand there was separation. At the library once when I was very small I asked my mom why I did not go to preschool like the other kids at the library. she said “You are my last child I will have, I want to be with you all the time.” This really stuck with me and the first day I did have to go to school, I was terrified. I remember I got on the bus and watched her and my dad wave goodbye from the window. I realized I was all alone in my jean capris and oversized pink backpack. Then I looked up and saw another girl, I could tell by her face and position on the seat, she was just as scared as me. I remember clearly her asking “do you want to sit with me?” I don’t think I even opened my mouth. I gave a big nod and quickly relocated myself to be next to her. There was a sigh of relief, I was not alone anymore. Upon arriving to the school and walking in to the kindergarten section, I kept seeing my mother almost appear. hearing her voice, or coming through the door to get me. However for the first time ever really, hours past without her, and I took the company of complete strangers.
This however stuck with me my whole life. This idea that was embedded in me as a child. I never wanted to be alone all alone. I want to be surrounded by love knowing that there are people who look out for me, Like I hope I can do for them. My dream in life is to be surrounded by love and to give love to the community I find. Yes I can be alone sometimes, but what would be my human experience if I kept to myself. My inner child, Me Rosa, Loves human connection, loves to be with others intertwined in connection. In many instances, Connecting to these memories we have, these moments, from deep inside of our mind, helps us to understand today a little better. Everything is connected, and that little human that once was is still there. Our purest forms live in the center of our souls.
Connect with the child, Learn from the child, Love the child.
As we grow, we take on external experiences, internal battles, stresses of daily life, and we forget. We forget what makes us truly smile and laugh. What takes our breath away. What makes our heart sing.
I encourage you and myself to cleanse our spaces from any weight, to bring back smells that make us feel at home, and small rituals that help you connect with yourself.
Tip, If you ever feel depressed or stressed or not alive because you spent all day on your computer or phone HAH. Try doing rounds of Qigong shaking exercises to wake you up and destress. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhF5nBSGe20&ab_channel=QigongwithKseny Here is an example link for you:)
Until next time,
Sending a virtual hug and if you ask I will come give you a real hug too:)
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